Church Pop is a cringe Novus ordo website owned by EWTN and aimed at young people.
On June 12th 2025, the english sector of the blog published "6 Celebrities We Should Pray for and the Saints Who Can Help Them". It was written by Mr. Will Tynan, and when I first read it made me very angry. I expected normal prayer petitions and instead I got an example in superficiality and immaturity. I didn't expect anything and yet I was disappointed!
So today, in the Pasture of Knowledge, we will roast this article and provide it's writer with some advice for the next time he wants to pray for celebrities.
Introduction
The article starts with a fairly decent reflection on fame, except when Tynan says this:
"Knowing so much about their lives might be a boon for us because it allows us to know exactly what we need to pray for to help them."
I disagree with this statement because the reason why so many celebrities are scandalous is precisely this ability to know all about their lives.
For example, Miley Cyrus would not be able to scandalize me aside from public statements and songs, but since she has an entire army of professional gossipers, any sin she commits is paraded across the world instead of staying in the privacy of her house.
Also, it should be possible to pray for them without feeding from the constant detraction and sludge of celebrity gossip.
The Celebs
Tynan proceeds his article by numbering 5 celebrities and the reasons he believes they need prayers. He then mentions the saints who can help them and the reasons why.
First we have Trump and Elon, paired with St. Peter and St. Paul. Then it's Rihanna, paired with St. Norbert. Mr. Beast was placed with St. Augustine, and actor Tom Felton was placed with St. Matthew.
He also included the basketball player named Caitlyn Clark, but we will not talk about her today.
There is nothing wrong with praying for these people, albeit I think it would be better to pray for all celebs without being specific. The problem comes with what Tynan reasons about their faults and problems.
Trump and Elon: Friendship is Magic?
Trump and Elon wield great power and privilege. The day of judgement will probably fall upon them with unmeasurable wrath. Yet Tynan thinks they need prayers because they fought with each other! See for yourself:
"In the past week or so, however, the relationship between Musk and the president has become a bit… well… rocky. The two have had one of, if not the most public, fallouts of all time. But don’t think this is the first time two prominent figures on the same side of history have clashed!
Saint Peter and Saint Paul, two of Christ’s closest friends, also had a seemingly critical feud between them. The two saints, while sharing the same ultimate mission, had vastly different approaches to evangelism. In a particularly fiery encounter, Saint Paul scolds Saint Peter for making salvation seem like an act of the people and not the mercy of God. In Galatians 2:11, Paul writes, “And when Cephas came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face because he clearly was wrong.”
Trump is actively funding a genocide in the middle east, betrayed his fan base by protecting a child trafficker and lied about coronavirus. Elon grifts people with electric cars. And yet, Tynan treats them with the maturity of a My Little Pony episode. It would be better to pair them with saints who were either public sinners or held positions of power
Rihanna and Tom Felton: Worldly Blindness
For Rihanna, Tynan felt equally short. For him the problem with the singer is not scandalous songs or raunchy outfits, but the simple fact that she has pretty much given up her musical career.
He writes "Unfortunately for fans, she hasn’t released a new album since 2016. A few movie tracks and features here and there, but nothing from studio to table for nearly 10 years."
This could be because of her success in the makeup industry with her brand Fenty Beauty, but it is a shame for listeners everywhere that she hasn’t bothered to grab a pen and paper and jot down some lyrics."
I am sorry, but Rihanna is actually better off like this. The music industry is demonic; whether is the songs themselves or the people who move around those circles, you are certain to find untold evil.
While Fenty Beauty can be scandalous in other ways, Tynan doesn't mention that, nor does he prove that it is worse than singing about breeding in front of millions of children at the Super Bowl.
Instead, Will Tynan compares the conversion of a man to the Lord with Rihanna going back to the studio.
"Saint Norbert was a high-ranking member of the German imperial court in 1075. Just like Rihanna, Saint Norbert showed no real signs of piety and chose for a period of his life to pursue luxury and comfort rather than using his wealth and brilliant mind for others. In a dramatic encounter with the Lord at age 35, Saint Norbert was struck by lightning and dedicated his life to discernment and monastic life.
The switch from comfort and apathy towards dedication and hard work is exactly what fans hope to see from Rihanna. If there’s anyone who can get her in that studio, it’s Saint Norbert."
Tynan comparing Rihanna's musical apathy with the conversion of St. Norbert is blasphemous. Rihanna surely needs conversion, but I think we know she will not get it by synergizing generic songs.
Tom Felton and St. Matthew received similar treatment. I am blissfully unaware of what has been going on with his life, but he doesn't seem to be a particularly notorious source of scandal.
However, Tynan thinks we need to pray for him because he hasn't been able to have a successful career outside of playing the Harry Potter character Draco Malfoy.
"In 2022, he released his book “Beyond the Wand,” -Tynan informs us - recounting his years on the set, and has recently announced he will revise his role in the Broadway play Harry Potter and the Cursed Child."
"Many fans have echoed the sentiments of another actor from the series, Miriam Margolyes, who encouraged “Harry Potter Adults” to grow up and move on. If there is anyone who can give Felton help on this path, it is surely Saint Matthew the Apostle."
If "moving on" means involving himself even further with Hollywood, then you might as well wish he becomes a narco. Considering that Hollywood is corrupt and full of evil, Mr. Felton is actually better off with a dead career.
Not to forget, of course, that Harry Potter is a wiccan/alchemist fantasy series were school directors hire soul-sucking entities to "protect" students.
Despite the fact that both of them need true prayers, Tynan focuses on superficial success - things that fans want - and not in true spiritual benefits - things that celebs need -.
Mr Beast: Portrayed as a Psychopath as his Real Evils are Ignored
The next celebrity we have is Mr. Beast. Also known as Jimmy Donaldson, he is a successful you tuber famous for giving money to people and organizing Wipeout-style challenges.
Recently Mr. Beast has been losing popularity because many of his ex-employees have accused him of mistreatment and exploitation.
However, Tynan says nothing about it and instead portrays this competitions as some sort of gladiatorial torture contest. See for yourself:
"Mr. Beast is a YouTuber with more followers than any other creator on the platform. When he posts a video claiming to test whether someone can survive one hundred days trapped in a room to win $500,000, he means it. His success has taken him far enough to launch his own TV series called Beast Games.
Mr. Beast is estimated to have a net worth of around one billion dollars, but along his journey to success, many have raised concerns about the ethical implications of his videos. Putting people into psychological experiments that can only really be labelled as voluntary torture has become his primary mode of income."
Forgive me if I am wrong, but while the content of the challenges might be questionable, people have not attacked him for this. They demanded him for not paying his employees while forcing them to work for long periods of time.
Furthermore, a brief resume of these infractions would be better than attempting to judge his intentions.
Tynan writes: "Considering the immense wealth he has already amassed, it seems clear that he is continuing these experiments for the thrill of dehumanizing his lab rats...
One story that stands out is Saint Augustine stealing pears in his youth. He recounts how his desire to steal pears from someone’s tree was not driven by need or hunger, but the sheer desire to steal, which he looks back on as a profound moral failing.
Saint Augustine wasn’t hungry, and Mr Beast isn’t starving for viewer engagement. The only reason Mr. Beast continues his callous trials is for the love of a wicked game."
Who cares about Mr. Beast's intentions? If he did something evil we call him out regardless of his interior malice. Tynan focuses on condemning his fake and overtly acted videos when the he could have easily pointed out the real allegations made against him as reasons for prayer
Conclusion
Overall, the article suffers from a striking level of superficiality. Praying for someone because they don't want to write lyrics or because they fought with their friends is something that children can do, not adults.
I am also kind of shocked he didn't point at the celebs that are clearly suffering, like Justin Bieber and Kanye West.
Church Pop themselves seem to be aware that his blog post was not very good, because at the end we find this note:
"Of course, these prayer proposals are less inclined towards true conversion and may have been (slightly) based on this author’s opinion. These recommendations are certainly things for which you can pray. Prayers for the conversion of souls are probably more likely to be answered. Whether for these celebrities or others, for these specific intentions or anything else, the best piece of advice is to follow the guidance given in 1 Thessalonians 5:17, “Pray without ceasing".
Yes, I agree. We should pray for Will Tynan, that he might never write such a superficial, tone-deaf piece ever again.
